Thursday, 20 April 2017

I am struggling

This is something that has been playing on my mind since January, so I am warning you this is just a bit of a rant and not informative in anyway.

When you create a tiny human you come into regular contact with midwives, healthcare advisors and general 'know it all' folk. You are encouraged as a new mum to get out and meet other new mums and make mum friends so you don't end up feeling isolated and depressed, when it is just you and a tiny baby, once the hub goes back to work the days (and nights) can feel awfully long. The NHS advise you to go along to free groups that they run, I was lucky enough to have mum friends already but I felt like if I didn't go to the group they would send out a search party for me and judge me as a parent (which is a bit dramatic sure, but for quite a few weeks after Lylie arrived I was feeling extremely dramatic) so completely unready after my horrific birth (more on that HERE) I dragged my arse out of the house on about 2 hours of sleep to sit with other mums and learn how to be exactly that, a mum... 

It is safe to say I learnt nothing! I spent most of the time in the class terrified that my child might cry or poo, I hadn't got to the stage yet where I am comfortable with the fact that babies cry and poo and it's tough shit, literally. But one of the things that the NHS health care visitor said really struck a cord with me, it was disgusting advice and I have been thinking on it ever since. 

"When your husband gets home from work make sure you don't tell him how hard your day has been, tell him how much fun you have had. That you and the baby have been out and looked at some leaves" I asked her 'what I am meant to lie to him?' She said YES, if you tell the dad how hard it is he will be less likely to want to spend time with the baby. OUTRAGEOUS and some fundamental problems with this advice. 

1. WHY THE F**K IS THE HOUSE SUCH A MESS? What is my husband going to think I am doing all day? Sitting on my arse watching box sets while my angel of a baby lays quietly beside me and coos? F**K OFF!! In my opinion my new job title, mum, is the hardest job ever. It is 24 hours long and as tiring as it is rewarding. I am no way letting my husband think that he is working harder than me all day and I am out lunching and generally swanning about doing nothing. 

2. WELL DONE NHS JUST ENCOURAGE POST NATAL DEPRESSION! When you make a baby usually the person you choose to procreate with is your closest confidant. There has been more than one occasion during the last six months that I have needed to scream into a pillow, I have cried, I have sworn lots and I have felt like I am the biggest failure in the world. How much worse would it be if I couldn't share my feelings and worries with the father of my child? 

3. DOES THE BABY HATE THE DAD? It will be pretty confidence shattering for the dads when they get home and the baby starts screaming after you are telling them how lovely they have been all day. On the contery to what the NHS feel about dad's having the choice to whether they have to look after the baby or not there WILL come a time when they are in charge of this tiny human they are going to feel pretty shit when the baby is hard work for them when for you they are the perfect child because you have been a big fat LIAR.

So basically if you are a new mum please be honest with everyone including yourself about how you are feeling, it is really f**king hard work and you WILL question your ability to carry on! But you CAN do it, and things will definitely get easier really soon!


  1. I am disgusted about what that women said to you! I would honestly complain! Some mothers wouldn't have the right mind set like you, and actually take her advice!

    You're doing a great job Gemma, I can't relate to how hard it must be, but all I know is that you're a great Mum to Lylie, and as she's nick names smilie Lylie, you must be doing a fab job!

    Sending all the love xxxx

    1. Thanks lovely, I know it really was the most outrageous advice. I wish I had of been more emotionally stable to think about saying something more at the time!! XX

  2. I can't believe that woman said that to you, that really is awful! Luckily you're a fantastic mummy to little Lylie so she can go stick that 'advice'!.. xx

  3. Brilliant article! That women needs to have a word with herself! Lie to your husband...yeh great idea. And exactly right what you say about the husband then thinking the baby only cries with them. I tell my husband every detail of the day, good or bad! And then I hit the wine & then I cry but I start again in the morning.


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